Geez, well, I'm in sorta a bummer mood as of now. If you check out my LJ (link below), you'll see why. But I'm also in an anxious mood too. (also in my LJ)

I don't know why I've decided to neglect this li'l journal of mine. I mean, this is the first. The best (i believe), its just LJ is simpler, and more adapt for lazy people like me. Heh. Well, it's true. Also, you get the friends page, which is pretty cool.

Anyway - I think some point and time I'm gonna go and work on making that teen e'zine. If anyone wants to help out as a designer and/or writer lemme know - studlyprotean@hotmail.com - or AIM se7en21ne.

So, I'm currently on spring break, and I realized that this journal is getting pretty close to being one year old. Well, maybe not but I feel as if it is. I know my website would be about a year old now if I had managed to keep it up, but alas I hadn't, I guess a bit of laziness on my part.

Well, I'm in Guys & Dolls now, so its not too shabby, although on the 19th we start dance rehearsals and we've just been learning songs so far (we're supposed to know them all before we start dancing), and we've only been over 3 songs. Bleh - whatever, I don't care anymore, heh. Well yes I do, but saying that gets me out of any further explanation I may've done.

I sometimes fear whats beyond high school. Like what am I going to be doing in college. Will I be able to make it? Can I pass the classes? Will I be working, will I have to? I just don't know. But I think today I will work hard on some school stuff, and see how it goes from there. Because I need good grades this quarter because right now here is the grade breakdown:

Graphics: A/B
AP English: C/D/B
Chorus: A/B
Journalism: A
Algebra 2: D/C
AP Physics: F/D
CWE: A

Do you see how badly that stuff right there will screw up my GPA? (Oh, and the grades are in order of what I most likely have.) I mean, I can't even explain it. I think right now I have possibly a 3.2 unweighted, maybe a 3.4/3.5 or .6 weighted. I feel like a loser compared to some people. Those grades would give me about a 2.7 -- I can't have that. I've had that once before in my life. To me thats below average, I need better. Sigh... I dunno what to do. I mean I stress over some of these grades, but at times I just don't care at all, ya know.


We live, we die, we spend the years in between asking the questions why, we've been through what we've been. -- Amel Larrieux & Roots in "Glitches" truer words never spoken.

Enjoy the day.

Well, today was... a day. Nothing really happened. I missed my bus this morning so I stayed home. Talked to Jon, Warren, Kyle, Tina, and Susie & Rebecca online. Other than that, nothing. Drank lots of water, wasted away on the internet, and watched DVDs with the directors commentary turned on. Today was a day o' fun.

Then everyone got home, and did nothing, and I'm wishing that I lived near more people, and was in some way motivated to get out. But my mom is like "oh no, you dont go outside during this mess, not alone" until I gotta walk the dog, and then it's "your not going outside in the dark". I will find a way to roll my eyes, and then it'll all be god. Heh. Seriously, she's crazy over this stuff. She's like "Saddam had a taped speech, ooh! Bush was Live!!" with so much pride and crap on that last half. I'm like... okay, good to go.

Well, this week I've effectivly avoided Physics and Algebra II, go me, I feel sorta special. Of course this will only prove the downfall of me, and then all hell shall break loose when that F in Physics shows up on my 3rd Quarter Report Card. Geez, sometimes stuff sucks o' so much. Oh well, thats the story of me.

Well this is starting to get weird. I now on 3 (4 if you count "the book") and they're all on me. Now, i think that's just a bit weird. I need to break it down a little, somehow, or something. So lets see. Blogger - right here -- what should it be about? I'd like to keep it personal, but I'm not sure, I guess I could change it. Then, there's the Dead Journal -- and well, that I guess could really be for anything, I'd even change it to it's own little community if I needed/wanted to, but about what? I dunno. And lastly, LJ -- This is more of a favour to Amanda, but she gave me the code, so I'd keep it atleast semi-personal, but I could add other weird crap onto it too. hrmm.... we'll see. If you have any ideas though e-mail me, studlyprotean@hotmail.com, or just leave me a comment here or any of my other Journals.

In other news, I've got big plans for HHS's own, newspaper, I even let our supervisor check out Maureens guide she gave us, to see what she wanted to use or anything like that from it to work on the staff next year. Yep, it shouldnt be too bad. I'm just sorta excited.

Umm, yesterday, I got a haircut, did call backs for guys & dolls, picked up pictures that came out badly (I blame the developer), from "Bling Bling Night" and the last verge meeting I was at, and then got my ACT scores. Now those, I was for some reason dissapointed, because well, I scored 21, and I felt like that was bad. Everyone tells me it isn't, but I feel it was. Sigh--- JERKS! Stupid ACT people. Well, thats enough of my rants.

LEM

P.S -- WAR BLOWS!

Well well well. Today was not bad.

I had a dream, that Germany was the way I remembered it years ago, except we were all just older looking. It was weird though, cause Steve Santamaria (over here kiddies), said something about how Kevin Baker was now, and I actually saw them both in my dream, and yeah -- although since I've been here I've not seen Mr.Baker. Weird.

Also, is it bad to catch my self living in the past? Like, I wake up, either thinking I'm in the states, or thinking that in the states Jeff and Rob are alive and well, or both. I dunno, I just keep on feeling weird because of that. I honestly don't know what to do. I dunno, I also keep wishing that atleast Germany was as I used to have it. Where we lived in the same home, and everything. Sigh -- if only times were so simple. I actually talked in some length to someone about Jeff today, and he was like "heh", it's funny. Well, thats cause I only told him the stories of where Jeff lived, and then how he thought he was a blood, and yeah. Good Times. Good Times.

Sometime after that Club Beyond experience last Wednesday, I decided I'm agnostic, and thats until I find something else, that gives me better insight. Yep. Although I think that Agnostic has a harsher connotation (just sound wise), than Athiest (which is in reality, worst than Agnosticism -- crazy words) But yeah.

Also, I think that when I grow up, I'll become a professional ear/shoulder -- whatever. Almost like a psychologist, but not specifically trained to do so. You know what I mean? Like you know how everyone always needs or wants someone to listen to them, I think I shall become that someone. Also, I think Justin should also look into that profession, heh... he's good at being an Ear.

Well children, that seems to be all the news thats fit to print. Ciao-

P.S >> I think Ineed to find a song sometime soon for my auditions tomorrow. Heh -- slacker lem to the rescue!

So, today was not bad.

My cousins, Christopher and Laure, and my aunt Ute (henceforth refered to as Tante or Ute), came by and then my grandparents (again henceforth refered to as Oma & Opa), came by. And it was cool. I mean not out of the ordinary cool, except that I'd not seen my cousins for atleast 3 years, and they changed (well sorta -- laura looks the same, aber Christopher looked different - he's taller than me!). So, it was interesting. We really did nothing, but it was fun. Both of them are a year younger than their cousin counterparts (me and my younger sister), so that makes them 15 and 12. It's funny, cause Christophers birthday is exactly 9 months after mine, and it seems like my mom had me, then Ute and Albert (divorced Uncle), decided it was time to have a kindie (kid) of their own. Heh. It was interesting to see them though, all the same. Christopher is not exactly the most model person (neither am I, but it's different) - like he smokes, drinks, and has gotten into a lot of trouble at school, and such. It's weird. Yep. But he and Laura act sorta like Tina and I. He's cool though, the type of person that if my German got better, once I was old enough, we'd travel up there, and go out around the town together -- I've not really got family like that, so it'd be cool. Sigh, anyways.

I've realized I'm a slight loser. Last two weekends have been blockbuster nights - and there isn't even a blockbuster around here. Heh. I've seen a lot of movies lately, and I figured I'd give you the run down of what I thought was good, and what I thought wasn't.

X-Men 1.5 -- good
One Hour Photo -- interestingly good -- it's different (oh, especially that dream scene - not the house one, but the other)
Road to Perdition -- could've been better
Undercover Brother -- Not bad, but lacking...
Crocodile Hunter -- This is a movie? Is it supposed to be good... err, decent?
I Spy -- I slept through a lot of it.
Austin Powers 3 -- could be better, eh oh well.
s1m0ne -- Wow, I was slightly suprised.
My Big Fat Greek Wedding -- anticlimactic, but still good.

There are others, but I can't think of them.

Oh, yesterday, I was like unwittingly drugged or something, because I couldn't stay awake for more than 10 or 15 minutes at a time, it was crazy. I didn't even understand. Well, I'm out. Love life chil'ren.

P.S - I'm working on producing my full website, lets see how it works -- ciao! It has an interesting layout.

Today I had a real DJ day. Heh. I spent quite a bit of today on DJ, just lookin around. It was interesting, I did that, and decided to make some animation dealies, which I used as my DJ icons. Heh, Go Me!

Anyway -- since I did that, I decided now I'll post a quize dealie --- check it out (just one this time):

What does your birth month say about you?

August:
Loves to joke
Attractive -- some may agree, I doubt many will...
Suave and caring
Brave and fearless
Firm and has leadership qualities - I've been told this, but I dunno...
Knows how to console others
Too generous and egoistic
Take high pride of oneself
Thirsty for praises
Extraordinary spirit
Easily angered
Angry when provoked -- isn't everyone??
Easily jealous
Observant
Careful and cautious
Thinks quickly
Independent thoughts
Loves to lead and to be led
Loves to dream
Talented in the arts, music and defence
Sensitive but not petty
Poor resistance against illnesses
Learns to relax
Hasty and rushy
Romantic -- well atleast I dont think so
Loving and caring
Loves to make friends

I think thats spiffy, cause quite a few apply to me, except those that a striked through, they obviously don't. Well, anyways -- enjoy your time kiddo's!

Hrmm... not much has gone on today. Feelin very musical-y so listening to this mp3 cd I made. Light of the World from Godspell is cool (I think it's the newest CD though).

I got called back for Guys & Dolls, and I'm actually performing Sue Me, from it, w/ Jacki for the Talent Show. So, we'll see how that goes. I'm psyched yet call backs aren't until like a week or so from now. Tuesday the 18th, when we're supposed to already be into rehearsals. Grr... I wanna go now, get it out of the way, and then go about my normal existence. Heh. :P. The best part about this, is that I think I'm only getting called back so that I can read for Harry the Horse, whom I read for in Florida, heh, and on the audition list I said thats who I'd like to be. Heh. :D.

Well, nothing else new. Future editor right here, officially confimed if I get into Journalism next year -- if it fits my schedule. Yep. Well, I dunno what else to say, except, today wasn't bad. Rained, and eh, that was cool.

Oh, funny news of the day. No more french fries sold in the cafeteria of the house, they're now called freedom fries. Republicans made that up, go figure. :-p

Well, I've no clue why I am up so late. Although tonight's been the evening of talking to friends. Talked to Alex, Justin, Katie, Anette, Kryshna, Duke, and Cat. And wow, it's been different talking to each person. I like those people.

Brian, Val, and Tegan haven't e-mailed me back yet. I also talked to Brent yesterday, he works at Blockbuster now with Selina, and said he saw Tegan there the other day, but she didn't recognize him. I've been online for like 2 or 3 hours. Blah, I'm so bored.

Cleaned house yesterday and friday. Otherwise I did nothing. My throat's been hurting, and I can't sing right anymore, well, atleast while I'm sick. Like low notes come out bad, or not at all, same with high notes. That doesnt stop me from trying to sing though, and I'm probably making just making it worst for auditions on Monday. Speaking of Monday, I have the damn Terra Nova testing... grr... stupid tests.

Well, for this morning, thats all. Ciao

P.S --> I think I'll use Dead Journal a little more now. We'll see.

Quiz time: -- You Know You Love It :D



You're a musician. You love nothing more than to
hear the notes you make fly around you.
Sometimes you write lyrics to go with the
music, but mostly you just strum and hope to
come up with something decent. You need to know
that people like to listen to you play, and
they usually do, but you're either too self
conscious or too self involved to notice.


What Is Your Inner Artist?
brought to you by Quizilla

Only one for today kiddies - enjoy!

Well, lemme start this off, by saying that today is one helluva beautiful day, from morning to night, it was all around nice. Not a single thing went wrong for me. I had to have aced a test in Algebra 2, after getting a 97 on the quiz of the same material. Physics, besides day dreaming, again, it was good, played with a big Vandergraff (check my spelling) Generator, and then it was mailroom, and I spent all of Seminar in the Darkroom and Mr.McMorrans room, talkin to Steve, Justin, and them. Lunch was also nice, bus ride, again nice. The day is nice, weather and all. And, John Mayer's 3x5 makes it nicer. I like today. Sigh, I don't think anything went wrong. I even wore my Superman shirt today.

Monica reminds me of Brooke, and I don't think anyone really cares. I think I've fallen for Robin, which sucks cause she's my friends girlfriend, and well ... I dunno.

I need to write Mike Haridopolis back, I think. Should? I guess so, maybe I will. Maybe I'll do it tonight, along with hanging up some of the stuff in my room, it still looks sorta bare, plus I got pictures, pictures, and more pictures. I could also possibly rent some DVD's, I wanna see One Hour Photo - so, we'll see.

I could go out tonight, but I dunno. Do some "good clean fun" type of things. Heh. Maybe, maybe, maybe. I've been hearing a lot of music out of no where lately, and it scares me cause I think I may be goin insane, heh. Well... maybe not, okay. I've also been listening Eminems old CD, The Slim Shady LP, and it's his best. He just changed his style so much, from story telling, to freestyling almost, and well, it's just weird, he's not as goofy any more, and for a 20 some odd year old man, to still be "growing up", like they say for most artists who change their sound and style a bit, I don't think he needs any, he should've stuck with the original formula. But then again, growing up, works too, because The Eminem Show, rocked. So, 'nuff said.

Ciao --

So so so. Not much has gone on in the life of me. I've gone to school everyday, and worked as normal. Moved into my house, and it's not too shabby. It's a place to finally call home, where the heat doesn't go out, and you're left frezzing your ass off while trying to watch movies/TV or Read, or write or anything.

The 27th was the black history month assembly, with me, your trusted Co-Narrator. It went okay, well, better than I expected. I'm glad. Now is the talent show that's coming up, and who knows how that'll go. I'm actually thinking of entering it, and seeing how that goes. We'll see. I'll either be doing a duet scene or song with Jacki, or maybe a monolouge - don't know if I'm ready for a solo. Oh, speaking of singing, I made it into Madrigals -- which for you SHS folks is the HHS equivalent of TenTones (XTones). Yep, it's not bad, except EVERYONE seems to be able to read music like a pro, because they all play instruments and such and then, theres me. Heh. It shouldn't be too bad, although I'm singing Tenor again, for all the songs, and we're doing two songs Xtones have already done, which would be Bridge over Troubled Waters, and You are the New Day. Yep.

I've not really talked to my friends lately. Well in FL atleast. And the other day, I questioend myself, if it was all worth it. You know, hanging around these people I hang around here. I mean, I look back at the people who I used to hang with here, and now, they're not much. Well, they don't amount to me, that sounds wrong -- but I mean, they're not in line with me basically. Like, I wouldn't hang with them really today, because we're just way too different that none of us really compliment each others personalities anymore. Sigh -- it's a weird case.

Well, the tenth is the start of the Terra Nova testing. Thats the FCAT equivalent. Except here all grades except seniors gotta take it. It's such BS, ya know? I think it sucks, cause I believed I was done with damn testing. Oh well -- Life Goes On. It's a 4 day long test. About one full day in the end of it all, cause it's like an hour or two per day. Grr.. stupid testing. Oh also on the tenth, is auditions for Guys & Dolls, wish me luck!

Well, that seems to be my life to date. Today, turned out not to be a bad day at all. I need more like this. Oh, I got a Venus Fly Plant & a Sundew Plant the other day. My mommie bought 'em. Doesn't she love me, or what? :D. Enjoy!

My lunch time essay, that I thought wasn't too badly written. Enjoy!

---

One of the most important times of the day in school is lunch. You do work for the next class, or copy make-up work for that last class, but what is really important about this time, is the people you hang with. Who are the people you’re eating with? Who are you standing in line with? Who are the people that will listen to your idea about creating “Music to Walk To” CD, and selling it on late night infomercials, as you sit out on the grass outside, or the cement walkways? Each year in school, it’s proven itself true, that after about one week, these groups are formed.
First semester of freshman year, I ate lunch every day, with the Goth’s. I wasn’t a Goth, but I ate lunch with them. I didn’t have any desire to be part of their group, or dress like them, but I still ate lunch with them. Why? They had interesting things to talk about. They broke the mold. They were just as aware of their grades, and extra curricular activities, and wanted to perform well. Their entire life was not “all hail Satan”, nor was it “I’m all alone, and no one loves me”. They were ridiculously funny people. They were not entirely into what I was doing, as I was the kid wearing a bright red shirt, during Spirit Week, as they were dressed in their normal attire, but it was okay for both of us. Second semester, my group changed, I didn’t tend to talk to the Goths much anymore, and I sat with the “popular” people. These were the “A++” over achievers. They either made you feel good, or worse about your grades. These guys, very rarely ever broke the mold. But, every now and then, they would do something out of the ordinary, like get a “B” on a paper, or go out to a party without adults, but for the most part they stayed the same, and uninteresting, and frankly, why I ate with these people, I don’t know.
The Lunch Crew was my group sophomore year. All year round, it stayed the same people, and we realized by the end of the year, we were a “Seinfeldian” group. We were a group who ate and talked about, “nothing”. We all had English the same period, but three of us with one teacher, and the other two had another. We talked about so many things; it’s hard to even remember. We talked about music, movies, plays and even on one occasion pot, only one of us had ever smoked, but we had all smelled it at one point and time, and so we discussed that, and then, like inquisitive little children we asked questions. Just like the TV show Seinfeld, we had a couple of distinct personalities, and even a few “guest stars”, who would come, and join in on our banter, before they too, went off to get lunch, and go to their own groups. The time we had at lunch were incredible. We sat in the sun, never in the grass, and if it rained, we squeezed under a tiny awning, to eat and talk about life.
This year, since I’ve been at two different schools, I’ve had two different groups. First semester, I had my theatre group. All of us were into theatre, and we were crazy. They even encouraged, and cheered, as I sang funny songs out loud, my last week of school. We discussed what shows were coming up, and what shows we wanted to do, and even our crazy teacher. Being a technical theatre dork, I was the only one ever trying to convince them a certain program design looked better, or a certain set would be cooler. Moving here, I found my spot, but with primarily seniors. It’s early on, so I don’t know exactly what types of discussions we’ll have, or even if they will be chalked up in my mind to the previous years, but time will tell.
Since I’m only a Junior, I still have one more year of lunches left, and I can only imagine who and what I’ll be doing, in the coming year.

Well, not much else has happened to me lately. We've switched houses err -- are in the process of switching houses, and I'm in the Guesthouse, it isn't too bad. I would make this longer, but looks like I can't because I'm illegally using a computer right now. He he he. What ever, like anyone really cares... the sign says "No e-mail please!". Well, I'm just being a rude shit now ain't I. Hehe. Enjoy life kiddos!

I've decided a couple of things. One, I want to graduate with everybody else. Two, When I do, I want to get a friend (either here or in FL) and go across Europe, and have fun. Visit England, France, Spain, Greece, and Italy (especially Venice), - possibly more places too and go for atleast 2 of 3 weeks. Three, I then want to go back to the US, and go cross country with another/same friend, or groups of friends, and visit our College friends who are spread out (if they're not home). That would be cool.

Oh, also, Norris Burkes wrote a great article, read it:

You can't judge the 'undeserving'

Norris Burkes
Spirituality




Death can be an annoying side effect of breaking the rules of life. It was this little truth the supervising nurse and I were quoting as we humorously tried to detour the flood of sympathy we were feeling as we examined the wallet of a dead electrician. Having done some electrical work in my youth, there are two things I know: Turn off the power before working on a circuit and never work alone. Our patient had broken both rules.

The patient was transported to our ER and a judgmental air began to seep through our staff. CPR brought no clemency and the doctor was left to pronounce the sentence: dead on arrival. Found by a stranger, no one knew how to contact his next of kin, so the doctor asked us to search his wallet for phone numbers.

"Jeez, looks like a George Costanza wallet," the nurse complained. "Everything's in here. Hey, doctor, do you want to know where this guy works out?"

"No," the doctor answered.

"How about where he does his shopping?" I chimed.

"Nope."

"His auto insurance?"

"No. Just get me those phone numbers."

"Oh, jeez," I say, reigniting our volley, "I don't suppose you want to know how many kids he has."

The doctor shot us a stream of pressured air from between pursed lips.

"She's cute," the nurse said, displaying one of a handful of pictures.

"Yeah, she can't be more than 5 years old. How many others?"

"Looks like five kids," she said as she let the portfolio unravel.

"Oh, man," I said, "Here's his wife."

"They look happy," the nurse observed.

"Here we go," I announced, holding up a phone list like the winning raffle ticket.

"Well, call 'em and let's get this guy processed," the doctor shot back.

Moods switched during the next few minutes as the nurse called the wife to say the usual thing: "We have your husband in our ER and you'll want to bring a friend for support."

The next few hours played out predictably. Upon her arrival, I escorted the wife back to the conference room where the doctor bestowed her with her new identity as a widow. Her tear ducts exploded with incredulous grief, but subsided long enough for her to see her husband and choose a funeral home. After she left, the ER slowed to a lull and the doctor found a quiet moment to catch up with his charting. I figured it was a good time to catch up with him for debriefing.

"Sorry about our questions back there, doctor. I guess we were just trying to deflect some of the tension of seeing that guy's life unfolding from his wallet."

"Yeah, I'm sure it was tough, but I knew all I needed to know," the doctor said, as he reserved one eye for the front doors. "I knew I had a cold dead guy on a gurney and until you two found someone to claim the guy, I had one less trauma room for someone who might need it.

"I know it sounds cold, but it's tough for me, too. No one thinks it is, but it is -- day in, day out. One minute I'm sewing two stitches in a finger cut and the next I'm doing CPR on a father of five.

"It's like whiplash. I can't stop to think about the family this guy left behind. I have to be ready for the next auto accident or shooting, where I might actually help the guy.

"Guess that's why you're here, chaplain. You get to stop and think about all that stuff. I can't."

Working on another chart and passively eavesdropping, the supervising nurse sent me a disapproving look on a private line. Was he right? Is feeling just an audacious luxury for the healer? It wasn't just the doctor. We were all being rather stingy with our sympathy -- saving it for the more deserving. We were denying our own proclivity for doing the stupid and had reverted to a judgment mode.

The doctor donned the cloak of professionalism and the nurse and I choked on our attempt at gallows humor.

Now, years later, I've not been able to totally unscramble the pieces of that night, but I do know when I hold my sympathy in reserve for only the deserving, I run the risk of letting it become rusty and unusable, and even unstable. I guess that is why one of my favorite portrayals of God remains that of the "Great Physician."

I find this physician is not only generous with his sympathy for all the stupid things I do, but his sympathy is never held in reserve for the more deserving.

---

It is really good. Well, enjoy kiddies.

Oh, and another thing - I'm gonna go apply myself to school more, and fill out a scholarship application this weekend. Go Me!

Ya know, I've always wanted something pierced. And it's either gonna be my eyebrow - which I think I've slowly decided against, and I'd rather much go for the tounge piercing. My sister was the one who got me interested in that stuff, but piercings stay above the neck, is all I can say, and never any tatoos.

Well, today was valentines day, and well - nothing special. Nothing at all, and know what? I'm glad with that. I realized today though, that Kristi and I have this flirty thing going on, and I think that's funny, because I dunno - it just is.

Today, I also realized, I may graduate early. Which would be cool. I'd have to take and pass two english classes my first semester, and then take US Govt. I still have to decide if thats what I want to do. I'm gonna take AP Lit, and AP Chem still, so we'll see. Hrmm, I dunno, but I think I'll still apply for some scholarships. We'll see....

Lem

I've got this weird chest pain, that feels as if it's on the skin, but it weirdly isn't. Sigh, crazy times.

Well, today was a beautiful day. In so many ways, of course physically, the sun shone just right, and the grass was just green enough, the wind chill, just brisk enough, and wonderful feeling. Today was a day of fun. First off in Graphics, I took pictures, that was the entire period. Then in comp, I got to write an essay, that was wonderful. It was a division and classification essay, and I wrote about different lunch crews in my high school career. And, for the most part I've heard it's been mildly amusing (in a good way), and I like that. This girl Michelle in comp, just like started to open up to me, and it was cool. I listened, and it wasn't like she'd never told this to anyone, or that it was a secret, she just felt, I should know about her love/friendship life, and it was amazing. I don't know why, but it was. She has this type of personality, thats totally the opposite of what I thought she would have, and that, to me, was cool. Very cool. I of course, didn't really divulge the same type of information, or much at all. Any information, she'll get from me, will be totally from my essay. And, that essay I tell you was cool. Maybe I'll save it, or e-mail it to myself, and post it up here. Honestly I was very very very proud of it. Of course, before I post it up here, I'll make some minor edits, because I didnt end it the way I wanted to, because of word counts (stupid things.)

So, I can't really think of much else. I love singing like no one is around, even if they are. Tonight as I was walking to dog I sang "Where's the Girl" from Scarlet Pimpernel, and the woman on her way inside her house, looked at me and smiled, and nodded, as if it were good, and I liked it. Beautiful songs are the best songs to sing.

Well, I belive my life of today has been spilled to y'all. Enjoy.

I like my friends, all of them. They make me feel ever so good & special. Go Friends!

Why don't they have a friends club, for people who like being friends, and who like having friends, and it'd be random club, for people just to hang out. -- Hrmm.. thoughts, thoughts, and more thunks.

So, I'm back again - not w/ more art though. Just walking my dog, and I got reminded, somehow, of today, we had a drug search in the school. And two people from my class got called down, and I figured if that'd been me, how incredibly screwed I would've been. Not that I do drugs, okay, screwed is the wrong word, it just popped into my head. I meant, how incredibly scared I would've been. And I mean Shitless.

Jesse got called out of my class, and this is a kid I knew and was tite with back in the day, and now-- not so much, but still... and he got called down, and trust me, he smokes. But, I mean, I just imagined how screwed over he would've been. Thankfully, he had nothing on him, but still, I mean, I was scared for the boy. Weird, no? Just a crazy type of thought.

Oh, also, Heidelberg and Satellite both consider me seniors, but here's the cool part, I was on the Heidelberg Senior shirt this year, I was like "Wow", and since they're giving seniors free valentines ball tickets, it makes

And now... HAPPY QUIZ TIME....


Where do you fall on the liberal - conservative political spectrum? (United States)
brought to you by Quizilla



Clarissa Explains it All. Little brothers piss you
off and your best friend climbs up a ladder...
But of course that's not weird to you because
you're Clarissa Darling


What's Your 90's Nickelodeon Show?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are an Italian.


What's your Inner European?
brought to you by Quizilla

Your LORIN!!!Your funny...not stuck up...and a good
friend! You also think Amber is crazy..but dont
we all?


which one of y friends would YOU be?????hmm??
brought to you by Quizilla


3 seems to be my limit for today.

P.S - comment on Tina's Guestbook.

:::More Art:::



This one, I made, just thinking about some of my friends.. I wonder if all of them will know which thingie, they are....


I told you I was feeling artsy -- and yeah, I know it's not "terrific" -- but, blah - I DONT CARE -- heh, but I'd still like to hear what you think.

So, I got home, and felt -- well, artsy, so here is what I created:



Anyway, I've been listening to some nice music lately, and weiss du was? Ich fehlt das musik gerne. (I think thats right). Heute, war ein tages das war nicht besser als ein anderes tag. Ich wiess nicht warrum ich schriebt in Deutsch, aber, ich finde es ein bischen spass. Hah. Am Samstag ich mochte zu den Ball gehen, aber ich kann nicht, ich hat keine klamotten fur das Ball, and so ich will bie der Hause blieben, and denn, hofflich(I glaube), ich will in der Stadt gehen, und noch hofflich, drinken mit Freunde. Ich weiss nicht wenn die stadt ist here in Schwetzingen order diese grosse stadt in Heidelberg.

Oh! We found a new house. FARTHER away. And know what, that infurates me. I hate this moving AWAY bullshit. The other day someone even said "why the hell you live so far out?" when they asked where I lived. NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE, lives down here, and even less people live farther away. The farther away you get from the bases, the fewer Americans you bump into. Sigh -- this sucks. Well, I'm gone. Bye.

P.S - Tell me what you think of my art.

Well, another day, and I'm still broke. Although my mommy (yep, a term you'll see/hear very rarely from me), did gimme 4 Euros. Score! Heh, now I got lunch money for campbell. Heh

Well, today, not much, I got a solo umm part of one, more like a group one w/ Jacki and some other girl named Chelsea. Yeah... it's okay, the solo's cool, the rest of the song - not so much. Heh.

Well, my tounge still burns. And, well, it appears thats all there is for the news to date. Oh, that, and I finished the JAAM program for "Souls of Black Folk". Go me!

Well, here I am again. I started working, then had to walk my dog, and guess what now? I cant get on, pesky little sister. Grr... and today, drinking hot chocolate, I burnt my tounge, SO not cool. I couldnt even taste anything for a while. Sigh... Well, in other news: nothing. Heh, yep, it's official, I am the most boringest person to date. Heh. Well, See you kiddies later.

Okay, I know I said I had work to do, but, I decided I'd fix the new layout once and for all -- and guess what? I did, tell me what you think...

Ooh, quick note -- (cause I do have work to do) -- I got my class ring, spiffy! It's very cool, different, cause everyone else has the type that has this big block thingie, and such, and me, a nice band, w/ August stone & December stone, plus Grad date, drama masks, 2004, SHS, and 04 on it. Oh, and my name inside "L H Thornton III" Nice....

Grr -- there's a picture I want to upload, and it isn't... damnit!

Weird, Im trying to change the layout and it's not working. Ticking me off -- well, we'll see.....

Alright kiddies - I've no need for LJ codes. SCORE! The main reason I wanted it, was so I could have a comment thingie, and now I've got it. cool.

Well, today, was a plan to do stuff, but it failed. Only plans were known to me, and I didnt do them. Physics - nope, Algebra - double nope, JAAM - 3x Nope. Sigh -- I'm such a slacker.

Well, yesterday I attempted to talk to people, but I couldnt get through, so I only got to talk to Tegan, and that was cool.

Umm, yesterday, was interesting too -- I just sort of experienced Heidelberg, for most of the day. Cause I took the ACT's -- Bah, those tests suck (but not too badly), and then I just walked around the base, and then came home, then left back out to the city, maybe 30 minutes later. Then, walked around even more, after seeing the end of Sleeping Beauty, went out to shopping center, came back JUST in time to miss the last PHV bus. SO yeah, it was a horrendously fun evening. If I do say so myself -- and I guess I do.

Well, can't think of much else to say. Except, I want 2 things NOW: ACT Scores, and my class ring (should be in this weekend though - so thats cool.)

Ciao kiddos.

Oh, PS >> Anyone with an LJCodes, or codes for Ujournal.com - lemme know. Thanks.

Well, ever go to school everyday, and notice someone, but don't know them, or know their name, or you know theirs? Well, it seems to always happen to me. It happened in Satellite, where I noticed people all the time, and now here, theres this kid Mario - a senior- and I notice him, I never talked to him or anything, but he just seems to stand out above other people. Weird, no? And, we say hi to each other in the hall ways - okay, not say hi, but we nod. And the only reason I know his name is cause our school has a population of about 650. And, maybe only about 300 Juniors and Seniors. Weird, no?

Well, I dunno, nothing else has happened worth while. So we'll start this beetch of another day. CIAO

I'm supposed to be writing a paper for class, but I'm not. I actually spent ten minutes of this time I set aside to write, actually trying to call people in the states. No one seemed to be home -- jerks. Heh.

I tried calling Jeff's folks. It said the name and number were no longer in service, "disconnected", . And it was weird. Becuase, I don't know, but I just have a feeling that they moved. Back to NJ. I don't know why. But, yeah I have that feeling.

Last night, as I walked my dog, I had a talk with myself. Because I didnt have, and don't yet have, anyone to talk to like I did in the states. I talked to myself, just letting my mind run. I came through everything. I came to Jeff too, and I realized, he probably knew more about me, than I was willing to admit, and that others would never know. Isn't that just a weird thought? I don't know if I know anyone that well. Sigh. It was a weird conversation with myself though, all sparked because of silver spray painted heart. Heh.

Well, back to the paper. BLAH!

Well, today was interesting. After about 4 days of feeling sick, I come back to school. And find that they cut my lock off. Yep, thats right, cut it right off, with my stuff in it. Thankfully they removed my items, and put them up, but they cut it off, and gave my lock to someone else. Jerks. I can't believe it. Sometimes this school baffles me.

So, umm, I dont think much else has happened. We're most likely, thats a 97% chance kiddies, moving out and into the old neighbourhood this weekend.

Lately I've been in search for just the right music to move me. Yep. And, speaking of that, I just remembered the whole downloading the songs from "Soundtrack to My Life, Vol.1: 1986-2003" Okay, yeah -- umm, I was just gonna put Vol 1, but then for somereason the years came in, But that sounds more like my tombstone.

Here it is again

Soundtrack to My Life
Track 1. (Is a trip in the way back machine): Baby Doll - N*E*R*D
Track 2. (Reminds you of when you were younger): 100% Pure Love by ___
Track 3. (Makes you feel good) - Aqueous Transmission by Incubus
Track 4. (" ") - Are you In? by Incubus
Track 5. (" ") - My{Dsmbr by Linkin Park
Track 6. (Reminds you of Friends) - Asleep by The Smiths
Track 7. (" ") - Until the end of Time by Tupac & RL
Track 8. (Gives you Chills) - I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me
Track 9. ("") - Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton
Track 10. (That first Crush) - Back at One by Brian McKnight
Track 11. (Helps You Let off Steam) - Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit
Track 12. (You Can Blast Anytime) - Mars by Kelis
Track 13. (You Gotta Listen to) - I'm a Tree by Imani Coppola
Track 14. (Inspires You) - I Get Out - Lauryn Hill
Track 15. (Song To be Played aat Your Funeral) - Amazing Grace
Track 16. (You have to Hear it Again) - Asleep by The Smiths
Track 17. (Background Music To You) - Dreamer by Ozzy Osbourne


Anyway -- yeah. Thats it right there again. Hrmm... yeah. I dunno what else. So, ciao!

So -- today is February first. Making the date, 1.2.03 (damn that zero). COOL

I got a haircut today, and right before I go to the chair "BREAKING NEWS" It was crazy, I kept craining my neck to try to see the news. Thats just some crazy 'ish, thats happened.

Alex told me people still talk about me, makes me feel special. Like, new freshman (next year), will be friends with the new Seniors(next year -- this year they're Juniors), and those Seniors will speak of "Lem" and those little tots (the freshies), will be like "Ms. Contess, who was Lem - or Miss Lesperance, can you tell me stories of Lem" . Okay, maybe not, but as I said I entertain myself with thoughts, and that was one.

Alex also said she heard the ocean calling me. Heh. Maybe it was another Lemuel eaten by the Sea. :o !! Heh, no actually I think it's pretty nifty.

Today, I also bought La Boheme. I feel special, and like I can speak with higher language.

Speaking of, why do these words look wrong to me?

caught, bought, and taught? ANSWER ME SOMEONE, ANSWER ME!

Well thats it, one last note: Anyone got any LJ (live journal) codes, if so e-mail them to me at studlyprotean@hotmail.com -- see Amanda, I'm attempting!

And another thing. I don't ever feel I belong, not in FL or here. I mean, maybe for a second, for a frame in time, but for longer than that, I'm just odd man out, and know what, it's not cool. Fuck it.

Im in a down mood. A Candle-ey mood too. I walked the dog around for maybe 45 minutes or so, and I practically listened to only Tears in Heaven and I Can Only Imagine, and well, it just brought me back to Rob and Jeff, of course. And, I just miss them, and Florida, and I want to leave. I don't care for these people. I can survive without them, matter of fact, I could be better off with out them, and with out the teachers, and administrators, and the school, and the bus rides that are way too long. I need MY people. I just, sigh, I just, I wanna leave. I wanna leave now, now, and even sooner. I don't like drastic or sudden change, I don't handle that too well (sometimes -- no, never), it takes me YEARS to adjust, hell, up until I found out I was leaving (and probably even after that), I spoke of the cool things I remembered from H-town, and now, none of it's there. I don't wanna be here. And what's worst, is that in both places (PAFB and H-Town), I have no one I can talk to about either place. I want to. I need a good friend. Where are my Brian and Tegans, and such, when you need them. Oceans apart. This school sucks. I want to leave. G'bye.

Yeah, I'm bored.

Oh, and another thing. Those of you who think your friends are cool. You're wrong. All of mine are the cool ones. Bah!

Oh, and "Saure Pommes" by Haribo, ROCK. Unless you eat too many.

So, not much has happened in the past couple of days. Got some grades, so here is what I think my report card will look like.

Gym -- B(damn not dressing out) Exam A
Ap Comp -- B/C Exam C
Chorus -- A Exam A
Journalism - Null (new 2 class) Exam A (although it doesnt count)
Algebra 2 -- D Exam D
AP Physics -- A/B Exam C
Drama -- A Exam A/B

Obviously I've not yet gotten definite grades on some of those items, but, alas, whateva!

My new classes, CWE - working in the mailroom @ Campbell (takes Dramas place), and Graphics -- computer imagery stuff (takes Gym's place).

Yep. I've been sooo bored. And I think I shall call some of my friends tonight. We'll see. I hope I can get through, this whole 6 hour difference, sucks. I left a comment on Amanda's journal. Yep, so everyone go read her journal. Heh.

Umm, did I ever write about my new years resoloution to not change. Yeah, well, I think I've screwed that up. Grr.. Heh. It's harder than I thought. But if I think through it hard enough, I could still be on the money with it. We'll see, updates at 10 tonight. (not really)

I've really gotten bored lately, and have been amusing my self with my own mind. Yep. Great songs of the day. "Tears in Heaven" - Dont even think you dont know who by, and "I can Only Imagine" - by Mercy Me

Haben sie ein gutes leben.

Cool site, R.A.M - Random Access Memory.org, you should check it out, its interesting. I already have a memory, but you'll have to find it. Heh, okay, not like you will, but, you... er, I never know.

So, I don't know, not too much else has been going on. AP Physics exam & Drama exam in 2 days, Gym tomorrow (like I'm worried.. Heh). Yep, I'm still not totally adjusted here yet (although at one point I believed I was), but I'm surely getting there. So, we'll see. I checked prices for plane tickets to the US the other day, not cheap, not cheap at all. Well, Osbournes 2 are on, I think... I'll have to go and see, and then I'll figure it out, and that means signing off of this entry. Have a good life kiddos!

LeM

Ya' know. Sometimes talking to friends, in person, online, in an e-mail. Can just make you smile, or feel good -- or something. Like, I posted a message on Thea's pictures in her journal. And she wrote back, and it felt good. Val, Brian, and Jon G., e-mail me semi-regularly. I talk to Alex, Tegan, Duke, and Jon Mac. on IM, and it's pretty cool. They're just so different to talk to, and for some reason now, more than ever. Yep. I really out work on trying to do something for Physics or Algebra 2. But, eh. Procrastination reign supreme! BAH!

Latre!

I guess this last little piece of gannet journalism, makes it official. No more articles with bylines by me. Sniff. Well, atleast in the gannet circuit. :(

http://www.floridatoday.com/news/verge/stories/2003/jan/011903first.htm


Well, in other news. Umm, not much. I went to the bowling alley yesterday. Yes, PHV hanging out (if that makes sense), can be quiet fun. I chilled with semi-friends at the bowling alley. I didn't bowl. Then went over to the bookmark in the shopette and umm, that was it. Cause then I came back to the alley, and yep. Umm, yeah. I met this girl shay, although she's my friends, brothers, girl - I think I could treat her better. -- who knows? -- But, yeah, her ex- Pat, was sorta drunk/high, and she touched him, he freaked out, and hit her. She took it well though. She said he did it to her before, when they used to go out. It's weird. Then he (Pat) was messing with this girl named Steph, and she took him home, although, and Shay warned her, dont mess around. Steph said she wouldnt. Shay, I dont think, believed it. Neither did I. Alas, such is life.

Well, I miss FL, at times like this, when I'm doing nothing at all! What can I say? Not much really. So, thats the end of my spiel.

One thing:


AP COMP SUCKS!


Domo Arigatou, Come Again! (Thanks Justin --heh)

SNOW DAY! School Was Canceled half way through! Yipee! :-D -- except, I hate snow.

This may sound weird, but I hope its not canceled for tomorrow also, because, I need to go to Physics & Seminar and beg and plead for help. Heh. I actually need to start writing my AP paper sometime soon -- but, bah! He he he he. Evil me. I dont have to turn it in until Wednesday. Anyway.

I've been really bored today. And for some strange reason I've been searching like rules and such for International Thespian Society, and Quill & Scroll, both honor clubs thingies I (can) belong to. And I was just wondering stuff about each one. Because I'm BORED!!!

Anyway, I've figured out what Mr.Couch, the director of the school here, should do for the play this year. Instead of one full length. Do two one-acts. One could be, "A Class Action" and the other "Bang Bang You're Dead". Both are soo good. I absolutely like them. Heh. Yep, its what he should do. And then for the musical, do a revue type of deal. Maybe Smokey Joes Cafe, or even better yet, just our own damned songs (we find, not write) and such, maybe make it a li'l dinner theatre. I personally think it'd rock! Yep, tomorrow at sometime, I think I shall suggest it to him. Yep, thats my thoughts. I'd even bother to try working it up.

Today, I think I did decent-ish on an Essay in English - GO ME! Yeup! Then, Mr.Primmer was talking about cause & effect, and said people who believe the butterfly theory are "nuts", and I was like "..oh!...-- thats me" Heh.

Yesterday I talked to Brian and Tegan for a couple of hours, and it felt great. And today Val e-mailed me, and I talked to Melissa & Justin online, and... I WANNA MOVE BACK! Yep, never thought to myself I'd speak those words, but in all honesty, I wanna move back really bad. I miss those guys. And whats even better is they're all in their own places really. And I wanna talk again to my sister, and maybe she'll do what my father wants down in FL, and I can move back, and it'll be all good for me, and I'll be happy, and so will everyone else, sorta - maybe.

What I realized yesterday while on the phone with Tegan, was that, I can't wait to remember. I want to go to my ten year reunion, and see my friends, and be like "Whoa! You did what?" and "How many kids is that now?" or even "I'm really sorry for you man, I feel you" and maybe even talk about how our stalks and bonds are doing, and who we think makes the best ____ for computers, and be shocked, saddened, suprised about how everyone has changed, and what they're now doing, and just, EVERYTHING! Which one of my friends will take the military route, and be in Korea or here in the next 11 years (thats ten years, plus years till we grad)? Will someone have died for some dad reason? Who will have become an inventor, movie star, singer, sports stud? WHO WHO WHO? I Wanna know now, and thats why I can't wait till the time I can remember, because not only will I be able to "remember", but I'll know more too, I'll see who's done what.

You know, I've always liked those types of shows when I was kid, like Power Rangers, Captain Planet, because, each person had a special something above the rest, and they each used them. And all my friends have something like that, and I wanna see...nay, need to see(well atleast that's the feeling in me now), what they've got more clearly, and how it's used.

In other news, I realized today, there are 3 girls in my gym class, and I've named them, "The Three girls with non-descript personalities" - and I don't know if I've used all those words correct - I dont really care -, but they, to me atleast, have nothing that makes them, again, this is just to my own eyes, that makes them different from others whom I don't know, Or even from the three of them.

Yep, well, thats all the news from me today.

P.S: I Miss FL. Heh. But I manage.

Hola! Well, happy new year and all that jazz. We moved into our house about a week or so ago (Jan.1.003) to be exact, and since then, we just got the internet actually working.

Nothing to interesting really has happened. I talked to Tegan on the phone, and that was cool. Nice to hear her voice, but she didn't recognize mine. *sniff*. Heh, maybe when I get another phone card, I'll call her back, and Brian too. Oh yeah, crap side to it all, was the conversation ended right in the middle cause the card went out.

Well, thats all the news really. It's hard to back track news for y'all.

Check out my guestbook, sign it!

Well, I decided to create my own li'l, soundtrack to my life. So here goes. Deal With it! Heh. And guess what, when I get my computer and stuff, I shall find this entry, and actually create this CD. Heh! And, since I'm reading "perks" again, I think I may even hand colour a label.

Soundtrack to MY Life
Track 1. (Is a trip in the way back machine): Baby Doll - N*E*R*D
Track 2. (Reminds you of when you were younger): 100% Pure Love by ___
Track 3. (Makes you feel good) - Aqueous Transmission by Incubus
Track 4. (" ") - Are you In? by Incubus
Track 5. (" ") - My{Dsmbr by Linkin Park
Track 6. (Reminds you of Friends) - Asleep by The Smiths
Track 7. (" ") - Until the end of Time by Tupac & RL
Track 8. (Gives you Chills) - I Can Only Imagine by Mercy Me
Track 9. (" ") - Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton
Track 10. (That first Crush) - Back at One by Brian McKnight
Track 11. (Helps You Let off Steam) - Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit
Track 12. (You Can Blast Anytime) - Mars by Kelis
Track 13. (You Gotta Listen to) - I'm a Tree by Imani Coppola
Track 14. (Inspires You) - I Get Out - Lauryn Hill
Track 15. (Song To be Played aat Your Funeral) - Amazing Grace
Track 16. (You have to Hear it Again) - Asleep by The Smiths

Now this is all subject to change. But maybe it'll be a disc two.

And since we're on music, ever been listening to a song, and wondering if the person you like is listening to the same song? Well, I've always thought that, when it's a love song. But today I wondered, is someone listening to the same song I am, at the same spot, and what are they doing? How are they doing? Why are they listening to the song? And, if we'll ever meet, and maybe, even like/hate the same songs, and maybe we will, but it'll be passing on the street. Weird, no? Especially, if someone is listening to a CD. Like now, I'm listening to "The Wasteland" from Children of Eden, and is someone else out there doing the same, or performing it? Freaky!

Also, a thought I've always had, and maybe now I shall voice - but, you don't count as a military brat, unless 1)You've lived overseas (canada & south america count), or B) You've moved average every 2 years. Yep! Later.

P.S: New Years resolution of mine: To not change. Maybe I'll break it, and along w/ that, break my bad habits.

So, today was alright, already trying to break in our new home, and we don't even live in there yet, heh. It's cool.

In other news, Kryshna was on MSN today, and I talked to her, guess friggin what? She lives in Cocoa Beach, and she moved there about 2 days after I left. I couldn't believe it. Its cool. This morning I also talked to Keith about temptations. And, we had an interesting conversation, He ended by saying "I don't want you to ruin your life" I responded with "Yes Mr.Witt", and he ended it with "Okay Sir Thornton". And that was the end. Its interesting. He's a cool guy, and I wish I had friends like him over here. Ya know, some that are clean, but not uber-clean, if ya know what I mean. Sigh - we'll see.

In other news, I'm watching Oceans 11, its a good movie. I like it, I wanna own it. Yep!

Later Kiddies.

Hey, well, we went to buy light stuff for the new house, it was a really boring like day. But, only sorta really. Re-discovered "Aqueieous Transmission" from Incubus' morning view. It was an okay day. Umm then I went to the bowling alley, rememberd how Pat. Miller had said "Heidelberg is still the same, MOUTH!" And I re-realized, again since I've been here, that it is true. It ticks me off sorta, because I've really tried to distance myself from all that when I was in FL, and now, its really hard. They say shit behind one anothers back, then they're all in their face the next minute, askin for shit. People sadden me.

In other news, I was reading some of my earlier posts, its weird to think back to then, and to see some of the things I wanted to do, didnt happen. I dissapoint me sometimes. Sigh - oh well. Later Days kiddies.

LEM

Bah! I'm bored... I think it's quiz time!

FIRST

What Self-Mutilation Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

SECOND

What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

THIRD

A different quiz, what strange type of person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

FOURTH

You have achieved the Golden Mean! You are 39%

pickup-able! You're like Jen. Do you know my friend Jen? You're just like her—she's like this cool girl who's attractive and funny. I should call Jen. Or maybe you're like my friend Steve. Regardless, you like to flirt, but not with ugly people. And when you lock eyes with the right person, you know how to turn the sparks into a towering inferno. But sometimes you won't give people the time of day, which is mean when they really just need to know what time it is. In general, make sure you smell good.

5th
"What's your dirty secret?" - Results:
You are a CYBER ADDICT. (you never leave the computer because all your toys are in the drawer underneath. Gross.)
----------------------------------------

thats it for now. Later Days!

A new layout too! But it isn't working out correctly... grr... I'll fix it.

Well, Christmas has come and gone. And it seems to be all but forgotten of. Sigh. Its sad. I dunno why either, not like I made a deal out of Christmas. Sigh, this holiday season sucks. And it isnt about the gifts, it isnt about the food, its just the fact of how it's been spent. But, I really shouldnt complain cause there must be people out there who really haven't gotten a chance to spend it with anyone. I feel like I should be out there in the world performing some sort of good deed. Eh. Sigh, I feel bad.

Today though, my little sister and I seemed to get along quite well. Its not bad. And the dogs been very mellow, so thats not bad either.

Ever feel like you found something new, although its just really a trend. Grr.. I don't like that at all. I feel like I've done it, although I don't think I really have. What I dislike more than that, is when I do find something new, and then it finally becomes a trend, or a fad. DAMNIT YOU PEOPLE WHO MAKE TRENDS!! I don't really like you at all. Heh, kidding, you know I really do like most everyone, very few people whom I don't like.

Speaking of which, its weird - although I may've said it before - 1) People who I wasn't friends w/ before matter of fact semi-enimies are now sorta friends... umm, lets call 'em reacquaintances. 2)People whom I didn't talk to before, whom I really weren't good friends with before, but acquaintances, I've now sorta become tighter. It's crazy, I think. Then those whom I hung around alot, are now good friends, well atleast as good as I'm gonna have being here only about 22 days.

Well, thats enough ranting for me.

Hey there kiddies? Whats been going on? Hope you've all had a happy holiday time, I have. I like it, but around here, there are two christmas holidays, the 25th & 26th, and so it'll all be dead, off base, for the next two days, and yesterday was a bit too.

Cool note: I saw a UFO yesterday, my whole family did! So, if you're in the Germany, Neidenstein, Weisloch, Rohrbach, area, lemme know if you too saw lights last night, in the shape of a circle moving around.

Thats about the end of this though, I'm @ my grandparents house, and half the people here are trying to sleep, and this keyboard is loud. See ya!

Hola guys -- it's been a week or so, and not much else new or anything like that has happened. School started, not bad. So, I umm... saw this survey like thing on alex's journal, and thought of maybe posting it here too -- well, with my answers of course.

Soundtrack to my Life

Reminds you of an ex-lover: N/A
Reminds you of an ex-friend: "In the middle" by Jimmy Eat World
Reminds you of your childhood: N/A
Makes you cry: N/A
Makes you laugh: "Cousin Kevin" or "Uncle Ernie" from Tommy
Makes you wanna dance: Most any N*E*R*D song
Reminds you of the one you want: N/A
Makes you very, very sleepy: "Get Up" by Amel Larrieux
You wish you wrote: "Nice to Know You" by Incubus
You wish had been written for you: "Makes me Whole" by Amel Larrieux
Fills you with complete joy: "Cloks" by Coldplay
You never want to hear again: My Heart Will Go On
You want to get married to: N/A
You want played at your funeral: "Amazing Grace" by Destiny's Child
Makes you want to mosh/slam dance:
Sums up your teenage years: "Mars" by Kelis
You used to hate but now love: "Time of my Life" that Dirty Dancing Song
You like to wake up to: N/A
You like out of your parents record collection: "Word Up" by Cameo
Your parents like out of your collection: "Rock Star" by N*E*R*D
You love that you wouldn't know about if it wasn't for a friend: "Asleep" by The Smiths, or "Clocks" by Coldplay
Makes you think of someone who died: "Take these broken wings" by Tupac & RL
You love the video more than the tune: "Rock the Boat" by Aaliyah
Reminds you of your first crush: N/A
You love which is from one of your favorite movies: N/A
Makes you think of the moon: N/A
Makes you think of sex: "Brain" by N*E*R*D
Makes you think of being alone: N/A

okay, so it's a lot of Non Applicables for now, but as life goes on, I'll slowly fill it back up. Umm in other news, this movie, "Muriels Wedding" is a decent movie, it's on AFN Spectrum, as I type this.

Hey kiddo's, well I'm in Germany now! I wanted to try and blog before we flew, but blogger was down (JERK!), and so, I couldn't. Well, it's cold, thats all I can really say now, and the flight was long. Yep, I believe thats about it. Oh, that, and my mom's been ticking me off, but she's "stressed", so what do I expect?

On a weirder note, which I forgot to note, the last 2 times I've seen am ambulance, I didn't wonder "what happened", I've thought "I hope they're getting help", it's weird, - I didnt say anything to those who I was in the car with, because they'd've thought I was weird. Oh well.

Kids, I'm gonna go, typing on this bad comp, is hurting my wrists, see ya!

HAPPY

late

THANKSGIVING

Heh, sorry about that. It was a good thanksgiving, I had fun, we all had fun, I think. And today, not so much fun, I was at the home with Dee, and that was it, not a thing to do, she slept- she's sick - and I did nothing, and lots of it. We went out to a chinese place for dinner, then came home, and watched the Brady Bunch in the White House, TV movie. Decentish -- well, less than actually, but who cares.

I talked to Justin for a while today, and I must say, although I've probably said it before, he's a cool fella. YEZAH! I really wish I could see some FL folks though, and plans I once had of going up north to VA/MD and possibly PA, seem all but cut short, which I can't believe. Honestly, it sucks major monkey balls. Grr... but, there is still a hint of light, even if it be only for about a day or so. Which, would suck balls again, because ONE DAY! Bah, screw that, gimme 2, at least, please! :-D.

Well, yesteday, I met my aunt, after 7 years, I met her. Cool lady. Yep. Well, I think that seems to be about it, later people!

P.S: My Grand dad, gave me a kick ass 35mm Nikkel camera. Whoo! Go Grand- people! :-D

So, today's been fun. I started it off early though. See, yesterday we've been cleaning and all, and we found an old old old box camera, and so my dad said check up on ebay, to see if it's a "needed"/"collectible" item, etc., So I did, no such luck, but somehow from that I got to searching for journals (I've honestly wanted one much like the guy from Cruel INtentions), and so that's what I've been looking for, and I've found some kickass things too, but sadly not EXACTLY what I've been looking for. I did see one that I wanted soooo badly, $5.50, and made all out of plants. Trust me, it kicked ass.

So, anyway, that was EARLY morn. And then we went and cleaned up around here, and took trash from around here, out back, the yard, down to the dump, and such. I drove, and beautifully I may add. Okay, not really beautiful, but nice enough. :-D, and then I went down to St.Augustine College, an HBCU, of course, that my dad wants Dee to go to, but it doesn't have her stuff, but I was thinking it ain't exactly bad for me. Then, we went off to get me a haircut, not bad, I like it. And then off to Golden Coral for dinner, and now back home. All in all, it's been fun. I mean, I worked not because I was told to, getting paid, or anything, but because I could, and I wanted to. Also, my dad got very "Lion King" like today too. Which basically means, he showed me the land that was ours and all, and was like "This is all yours, etc. etc. etc....", you know how it goes.

Well, kiddies, thats about it. Later!

That last post, was, well, umm, a lie. We ended up leaving Monday noon time. Which sorta pissed me off, cause that screwed up all my plans for chillin w/ people (that we had it moved back), and also, each day we kept having the date moved back. BLAH, whatever.

So, we're in NC, and it's fun-ish. I mean everything around here just feels "right". Had some good food today. And umm, yeah. Thats it. Its cool weather, its fall, leaves are brown, and falling to the ground, and everything is beautiful. Although it has changed a lot, since last time we were here (2 yrs ago), it still feels cool and all, just as it did when we came up here last time, and it had changed a lot. But, it's okay. I like it, I'd rather move here, or somewhere around here rather than away, overseas. But, whatever. That's it folks.

See ya!

Well, today was the last day. I just came back from seeing Brian, Holly, Hef, Clare, Kate, the entire group performing. It's sad. Honestly it is. I dunno, I'm not an emotional guy, but right now I just am -- no tears or anything, just emotions, its weird, and I dunno. I spent my last few hours here with Brian, thats another weird thought. In my head, in my perfect world, this time would've been spent with Tegan and Jeff, ya know. But a play and a death prohibit both of those from going on. I don't know what to say, or do. I feel as if I should've left some profound impression upon people, but I don't think I did. I really don't know. I wonder how it'll be Monday when people are in school and see an empty seat next to them, or don't hear a familliar voice, or see a familliar face? I bet some people won't notice too much, or care too much, even some of my "friends". Then there'll be people who'll be like "what happened to..." and "wish he were here, so I can....", but I believe the first group will out number the latter. I dunno how I'll feel going to a school and not being able to sing "Lemuel H. Thornton" tell a Jenn, she's hot, or another Jenn, she's cool, and give high fives. Tell a Jon his car is pimp, josh Ben for sleeping, play with Jenn for being the New Girl. Who will I talk about other long gone friends/graduates about? I have no one, and I will be almost completely alone. And, ya know what? I don't know how to feel, all day I've told people I don't know how I feel, I lied and said excited and scared, and now, well, now, I just don't know how to feel still, but sad is a word the is definetly coming to my mind, but at the same time as I'm feeling this bit of sadness, I'm still feeling nothing, while I think others are feeling much more than that over me. Sigh - I don't know what I'll do. I guess move on some, and sad thing is I know that now that I'm gone, I'm fair game to be used to boost self esteem of others, that all my faults shall now become greatly exxagerated, and such to make others seem, think, and feel better. Damnit people suck!

-THE END

And it just gets harder. Thankfully, I believe I've done the hardest one thus far. So it should all be easy! Tonight was Our Town performance, and it was great. Congratulations cast & crew. Sigh, this week has been very hectic, and I don't know what to do with myself. I honestly don't. I think I'm going to end this entry short, sorry people! Just, I'm just at a loss for words.

This makes me laugh. It's from the Onion.com -- Read, and enjoy!

You must be pretty peeved right now then, eh?

What pisses you off?

Created by ptocheia


-- You're damned straight I was!!

Sometimes, the times when I wish I most understood the world, I don't, or I can't, and it's those times I really want to. I guess it sounds jealous like. I wanna turn back the hands of time, I wanna go backwards, I wanna relive life, and make sure I really live it. I wanna make sure that I can do everything to appreciate everyone, ot understand everyone, to grasp something beyond what's blatantly thrown up infront of me. Like today, I know there was so much more meaning that I could've/should've grasped. So many more insights, ya know? But what'd I grasp? I have some friends who look for nothing but empty love, empty, empty, empty love. And it saddens me, they feel that touch brings upon love, and so they do so. It dissapoints me. Well -- I dunno what else to say about today, except, as much as I love life, I still wish to understand it, and the fact I can't pisses me off. Ahh, God, this is the way you intended it, eh? Alright, I'll manage, and we'll make our way through this place simple and with fun.

Today, I was rather observant - it was weird. Today what I did when I observed stuff though, I made a note of it. Someone saying something, what they said, who, what they were wearing, clothes, etc. -- And it was weird I think. I dunno, maybe I'll do write it down sometime here or in the Book. In other news, NOTHING!!!

G'Nite

Hey people! 13 days and counting. Yep! Sigh...

In other news, Cody Burdette is the man when it comes to math. Smart fella right there. Umm hmm, he helped me out yesterday and well, it worked. Also, tomorrow I got a test and he's gonna help me ace, because of his help yesterday. Tomorrow I also gotta be at class early again to pre-study so I can leave w/ a grade. And I gotta finish online class crap. SH!T. Sigh - sometime life sucks. I think Thursday tomorrow I will come home, and send in two more assignments for my online class. Then I'll go to sleep, or whatever. Speaking of which I gotta do work now in other classes and then sleep.

Well, see ya folks. Later!

take the nerd test.


and go to mewing.net. a nerd utopia.

Note: Go, being undescribable me (Check out the "what box can I put you in" test)

What religion are you most likely practice?" - Results:
You're a fucking Christian!!!! Ugh, you are so disgusting! Go pray or something...

Non Quiz Relates: I got Alex to watch Adult Swim, see:
"Auto response from Bellasushi: Watching "Adult Swim" at Lemuel's request...;-)

Thanks Lem. "

And now back to quizes:

"What Will You Be When You Grow Up?" - Results:
You will be a singer! You're outgoing and you love to be the centre of attention. You like dressing up and enjoy showing off. You may tend to be a little on the slutty or bitchy side, but you hide it well with your phony exterior.

"r u a prep?" - Results:
Preppy bitch

This is always nice to know:
"~*~*~WHAT HOTT GUY ARE YOU~*~*~" - Results:
Norman- your my best friends boyfriend but you still madd cute! and omg your soo sweet! your the full package..but sam and justin are still so much hotter, but we all love you neway!


Which gay-themed movie should you watch?
brought to you by Quizilla

Lucky you! You are only
22% insane! Look at you, so rational and normal. Your head's screwed on so tight you'd break a guillotine. Yes, lucky you, you who glide through the chaos of the world like the pope in his popemobile. While the rest of us are barking at imaginary voices and foaming at the mouth, your mind is sitting on a tuffet eating curds and whey. CURDS AND WHEY! Do you hear me?!? Because I can hear me! THE GRANITE MONKEY MUST BE PORKED! Bok!

This is the last one: Waaay too many "HIGHS" -- it scares me a bit, cause before when I've taken it, I was only high in anti-social and borderline, and now it's all changed -- weird:

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

Oh, and like the new layout? I do! In other news, I think I'll go wast my time on some quizes, and post em -- heh. Have fun.

So... Wow! A lot of time has passed since I've written. How's the life kiddo's? Me, well I'm just fine thank you! So, let's see, I've gotten, about 5 more days extension before we move, and I've gotten a letter mandatorily forcing me to finish my class on-line by the 18th, which isn't really too bad cause I mean it's only about One Chapter left, a half of another, and then the final. Sounds good to me. At the most it'll be what? 4 hours of work? I plan on finishing the half chapter tomorrow, as well as study math with Cody, good God, I hope he helps too, because I have no clue whats going on. I think I'll bring the last quiz and we could go over it and all, and have some type of understanding.

Lets see... has anyone seen this commercial for Star Wars Episode II? "Who's the man? -- Yoda Man" -- Grr, I hate that thing so much, it's so F-n stupid! That word F-n, reminds me, for our One-Act Brian is writing something, and it's decent so far, but he's writing about how he hates how people put others in boxes, and such, well that's what it basically means, but its on the face, its about how he got bullied cause he was a "fag" although he isn't, Brian is just eccentric is all. I sort of wrote a piece of the one-act, that was this debate-ish thing Tegan, Jenn, and I had, but it didn't turn it out how I wanted it too. So, well, we'll see. It's seeming sorta funny in some places, and sorta not in others. They wanted to pre-cast the entire show! Now, that bothered me. Just because it seems waaaay too typical as something that'd happen when teens produce an entire play on their own. But alas, whatever.

Umm, I dunno... nothing else seems to be going on too much -- had fun during Halloween. Went out with a bunch-a friends and all, when I get pictures developed I'll show ya kiddies. Well, Hasta Leugo's (maybe thats how it's spelled -- I don't take spanish, 2 years of German actually -- so I'll try Aufweidersehen)

Well, tonight was a good night. Sorta, a quick and rapid day. Not too much rest time for me, until about 9. We had a chours concert, combining three other schools. It was fun and wonderful. I saw Nick there, the only person I knew, oh him and "Snow White" as we call her. Both from Mel High. I think I may call nick up one day -- we've not talked in a while. Katie, was supposed to be there too, but she wasn't for some reason. Weird! I also saw some bad techniques from some other basses trying to sound really big (of course, I guess it could be called for, it was 3 of them trying to balance atleast 20 people, at the most.

In other news: Nothing! I haven't figured out what I'm goin as for Halloween, maybe a mummy! FUN! Yep, it's been decided finally. Woo Hoo! Heh. I got stuff to do in two weeks, and not enough time. Blah! Well, I think 3, we'll see, bah!

Well, I'm off to help the verge by compiling a semi-full list for the master source list (shh! You don't know about it -- sorta, heh!)

Another quick thought -- why has Barnes and Nobles sent my stuff yet!! I WANT IT NOW!! 3-8 days, from the 21'st Well, today is 5, it better hurry up!

HUZZAH! Another good feeling day.

Tegan and I chilled again today -- or I guess Yesterday since it's almost quarter-till 5 a.m. First it was after school, and the drama club meeting, alright I admit, THAT wasn't fun, but the whole after-meeting was fun. Tegan and I then went and chilled at my place, after I bought flowers, card, and a candy for my mommie, cause today was her birthday! :-D

So, we came to my place watched movies. Well, we watched Dogma for a while. Then decided we were hungry, went to Subway, and then to the beach. We talked at Subway, just jokes and such. These xHCx kids came into subway - you know sterotypical type with lots of earing, mohaks, etc., and some oldies song came on, and they knew it, EVERY WORD! It was hilarious. Expect the unexpected folks, and THAT was the unexpected.

So, then we head out to the beach (it's a little after 9) and looked at the stars and clouds. It was fun, then some person popped out on the beach without either of us noticing, and she got a li'lk scared, and we went back. So we came home, and then we watched Carmen Jones. That was it. We had fun, although not much was said between the two of us.

Now, I can't sleep worth a damn, because it's 4:50 a.m. now, and I've gotten 10 hours of sleep so far within the last 48 hours -- wait, over 48 now. It's weird I've had a couple of friends who've been in the same boat as me lately with that. It's weird.

Tomorrow is the chorus carwash. It's at 10 a.m, so, about 5 hours from now. I'll get about 14 hours of sleep within 72 hours. Which I think is becoming unhealthy, especially cause I'm going out before then anyways to not exactly wash cars to begin with. Oh well! :-D

Tonight, I mean today -- I mean this morning, before I actually dose off, I think I shall do somethin, but I dunno what -- yet. Sneaking out would be interesting, but I've no where to go. I do wanna see the sunrise -- and that's in about an hour or two. So, we'll see. Later kiddies.

Listening to the Spirit Tales LP from Stephen Simmonds (seriously, very underrated artists, people cop that!!) -- And it's beautiful.

Well, Tegan and I had plans for heading out to the fair @ Holy Name today, well -- no such luck really. Not too many of the rides were up and all, and well - yeah, so we decided to bump that, we met TJ and Frank, and talked with them, and decided to take them in on our journey (taking us from beachside to Sonics, to BN (rain is introduced - as well as some homosexuals, and some water, sex books, gay pride books, black panther books, and gay black panthers - possibly (anyone know if the Black Pearls is the gay black panthers?)) When I say rain, I mean pouring rain, hard and everything we could bearly see out of the front windsheild, and all, but all within all, it was fun! We listened to Rent songs, which I've not done in SUCH a long time, and for some reason the music brought back memories -- well, not really memories, but just feelings. Feeling that would evoke memories if I could place images and sounds along with those feelings. I just feel good -- almost infinite, a second time event there people!

The first, y'all don't know of. Let papa Lem take y'all back.... The day of Jeff and Rob's funerals. I had felt bad the entire night before (after going from a good-bye party for Will to a wake for Jeff), and was pissed, angry, and just down right horrible feeling. Then the next morning, was time for Jeff's funeral. On the way there it began to rain, and the sun was still shining. My dad tried to make idle chit-chat and all, but I wasn't feeling it. We go to the funeral, I shed another tear (honestly, it was only about one or two -- I shed a few the night after the wake -- not in public, I couldn't let myself, and now I regret it, I didn't speak to Jeff at the wake either, and for that too, I regret it.) We get out, there is some food forced down our throats, I coudln't really eat and all -- but I tried a little. Talked about the good times the 'rents couldn't hear. And then left, I left and the clouds were partially parted, and then it began to rain again, and the sun shone through, bright and beautiful, "Two wrongs don't make a right" by Wyclef Jean and ft. Claudette from City High came on, and it was a good feeling ride home. I came home, changed, and slept. I got back up a little later, and had to get dressed for Robs funeral. As I got dressed I caught myself singing "Oh What a Beautiful Morning" -- from Oklahoma. I don't know why, but I was feeling good! So, it's off to Rob's funeral, found one of my favourite songs there "I can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me, and heard Lisa sing beautifully, more food down our throats, and then I drove back home, and more rain on the way back too -- I see it as a symbol both times, they've meet God -- that's what I see it as. Then I had to go and get Sushi, and my dad talked. He said, that when he heard people speak at the funerals, what he could think of was they (the boys) had fullfilled God's plan. And ya know what, I believed him. Then later on, I went over to Tegans, ANOTHER good-bye party for her friend and my friend too-- a little, Cat. Well, I went, and we had fun, movies, pool, shaving cream, music, food, and fun, basically. It was then, sitting by myself a little that I realized I was feeling infinite. Complete, and whole. I was just sitting on a raft, enjoying time with my friends -- and some not my friends, and it was all good. I loved it, them, my life, my family, the world, God, and others. It was God's plan I see. Those kids touched me before, during, and after thier lives. It's a wonderful thing. And I'm glad I got to know them.

Today, though, I did feel good, but, I don't think I felt infinite. I don't think today can compare exactly. But, it was up there. And I loved it. I will really miss this place. But, I know as long as I've met these folks, I've had what God's wanted me to have of them. Speaking of God, I think Saturday, Ben wants to go out to breakfast, and all. I think I'll tell him of this story, and some other things... because, well, he has a part in the above story -- it's weird, not important, but yeah, he's in there. Well kiddies, I'll catch you later.

Well, I took a mental health day, worked on FHS class stuff for a bit, and then nothing else. Well, Ape and I were talking, and here's something coming out of our convo

soupNoreos: I had the weirdest dream

Apey1515: kk

soupNoreos: Okay, first, Sarah H. had died, or been presumed
dead

Apey1515: WHOA

soupNoreos: So, we're having a school dance (not formal -ish
at all), at a mall (with lots of brick work inside and all

soupNoreos: (

soupNoreos: )*

soupNoreos: anyway, I run into her, and I'm excited she's alive

Apey1515: lol

Apey1515: hahahaha

soupNoreos: and she's like "yeah, I just came back.." but she
seems not to care as much, neither does anyone else

Apey1515: lol

Apey1515: hahaha

Apey1515: AWFUL

soupNoreos: so I walk with her and her posse for a while, and
then decide to head to the entrance a little more quite

Apey1515: k

soupNoreos: and guess who walks throught the door? Rob!
And the room gets soo silent

Apey1515: omg

soupNoreos: I walk pass him, (i saw him walk in), I just walk
pass him, because-- well I dunno, but we sorta do that classic
glimpse at one another as we walk past

Apey1515: yeah

soupNoreos: and I can almost hear everyone think "make sure
it's him, someone say something" -- but no one is really speaking to
me

soupNoreos: So I stick my hand in the air and yell "Aye, Turner
whats up?" and walk down to the desk where he was at

soupNoreos: and we talk

Apey1515: lol

Apey1515: haha

soupNoreos: I ask him where he's been he said "Well, I just
graduated early"

Apey1515: ok..

soupNoreos: and then I remember the funeral and such -- and
he just tells me "look, we're all back, be glad" and I am, and he's
wearing his football uniform, and his date is wearing some black
sparkly dress

soupNoreos: But I think to myself "then where's Jeff", and I
never see him...

Apey1515: oh....

soupNoreos: and he doesnt

soupNoreos: But then! a new dream

Apey1515: ok..

soupNoreos: I'm in a house like my own yet it's just part of a
huge dorm, and I'm talking to Jeff's bro Danny, like he was my own,
and we're talkin about drinking

soupNoreos: and though the room/house is part of a dorm, for
this first part it's just like a house

soupNoreos: MY HOUSE

Apey1515: .lol

Apey1515: ok

soupNoreos: and some girl, mary beth, keeps coming down

Apey1515: k

soupNoreos: and such, and is telling us "im just getting a drink,
then I'll go to bed"

soupNoreos: and we're talking about drinking, and such, but she
interrupts, because we dont talk w/ her around

soupNoreos: and then Ben C. and Derek and that group

Apey1515: lol

soupNoreos: come and tell danny about some party goin on
upstairs - like a make-out one that's hot, and such -- and filled w/
girls

Apey1515: kk

soupNoreos: so we travel up there, and all, and it's just marcus
and lisa in ther

soupNoreos: there*

Apey1515: HAHAHA

Apey1515: k

soupNoreos: and so, ben is like, turn off the lights lets get
started

soupNoreos: and so no one moves, so I leave out another door
in the room

soupNoreos: and im in a dorm hallway

soupNoreos: and hear this is college make-out night

soupNoreos: and it gets by admin. by being called "Late Study
Nights" by the students

soupNoreos: and thats the end

Apey1515: lol

Apey1515: HAHA

Apey1515: that's interesting,.....

soupNoreos: yeah

Apey1515: lol

soupNoreos: I had one w/ mike b. in it a while ago, but it's longer
and less interesting


-- to read properly you may have to change font size in your own browser.... well kid's those were semi-touching dreams seeing as if those kids ain't living anymore (well except sarah), if anyone cares to analyze, go for it!